to the new girl
to the transfer student
to the one that has to feel like they need to measure up
to the one who may feel like she needs to conform to crowds to "gain friends" (that entire statement is flawed!)
to the girl that feels like her effort for community is hopeless
to the new girl in general.
This was me last year.
Last august, I moved to Lynchburg, Virginia as a transfer junior to Liberty University.
At the end of summer, I was so ready and excited to get out of Georgia and "start fresh," as they say. In my mind, I kind of anticipated everything magically falling into place.
Instant friends, instant fun, instant home.
Literally it was the first day in VA, and I was a hot mess.
I cried so much haha. I didn't really prepare for or even expect the hard things and sentences at the top of this post, that I experienced. It caught me off guard and I had to WORK through it during the school-year.
The fact of the matter is that moving can be HARD! I found that especially true as transfer off-campus student without the instant resources offered to freshmen who live on campus.
But guess what!
I am heading back in two weeks for my senior year at Liberty and am SO excited. I made it through and by the end of it, was absolutely LOVING it. But I do not want to minimize the difficulties that come with moving, and that is why I am writing this post, as self-reflection for what I learned, and maybe as help to anyone who is about to be in the same boat.
1. First is that: emotions are powerful. they can control. some are REALLY really good ones. some are less so, and feel manipulative. some need to be harnessed and used for the goodness that they/re designed for! and some need to be identified and handled before they create pain.
2. Those negative emotions are completely valid and need to be felt. It's necessary for humans to experience that, rather than brushing them under the rug and pretending that they don't exist... this only leads to festering. Emotions are apart of life, and it is natural to feel things like sadness or pain.
>> Despite these things, i want to say that there is always hope. "cliche," you may say, but I promise you that the storm does not last. there is no chaos or pain or achey feelings that will not fade away with time and by the work of the holy spirit. there are seasons of refining, but the night always passes and the sun will always rise again in the morning.
I felt very stuck and lonely last year. To be completely honest, moving last year was one of the hardest transitions I've been through (next to going to and returning from south america on link year.)
One of the hardest parts was that I felt an unexplainable constant feeling of anxiety that was always attached to me. I've felt anxious before, but not really to this level. And gosh, I hated it so much.
I felt so weighed down by comparison and with an irrational fear that I was "never going to meet friends that I would click with" or that "I made an awful decision moving to VA." The strange thing is that I had the head-knowledge of "yes I know that this is the right decision, I felt the Lord lead me here so clearly, I know that this will pass," but it was so hard to transcend that knowledge from my head to heart, and to channel authentic joy from that.
There were SO MANY lies about myself that the devil was throwing my way, and because I was in such a vulnerable state, I believed them. That part honestly took the entirety of the first semester and a good chunk of the second to go back and strip myself of those lies I believed about myself and reclothe myself in the truth of who God has made me to be.
I best described what I was feeling to a friend as "an imaginary wall that separated me from myself, feeling completely weighed down and trapped in darkness, to how I was supposed to be living on the other side: walking in light and freedom."
It took a lot of prayer (between me and God, and from others praying over me), verbal reminders to myself, and verbal encouragement from OTHERS to move onward and adapt. But he was faithful. He didn't leave my side for a second. He remained exactly who he has already said he is. I felt anxious, but he never left me. He provided answers to my prayers in HIS timing. He taught things to me during that time. He rebuked the devil of the lies that he was trying to get me to believe, and instead, spoke words of life and truth to me.
At the time, I didn't know how to fully articulate how I was feeling, or pinpoint why I felt so unsettled all the time. I had a really hard time expressing it to people around me, even my close friends. But now, looking back, I am grateful for the growth I went through. I feel renewed and refined after last year. I feel soooo rejuvenated for what lies ahead of me. I look ahead towards the things and journeys that I am about to embark upon this year, and I really wouldn't be ready for them if I hadn't gone through the sharpening transitional season of last year.
That is my experience of moving last year. It wasn't pretty. I cried alot to jenna and my family on the phone haha. I think I used to view crying and sadness and feeling down as a weakness. Something I wanted to be "stronger than" and rise above, and not waste my time on. Instead, I wanted the "tough it up" mindset of "I've got this, I'm good to keep going," and I didn't have time to be weighed down by difficult or sad things. But wow, this last year, God has gently taught me that this is not the case.
Humans are weak.
We aren't designed to carry everything on our own.
Hard things happen.
And his arms are always wide open.
Some people are gonna adjust quicker than others. I think a lot of my adjustment took so long and was so difficult because I was still transitioning back to life in the states and processing the last year after having been overseas for so long. but, the main point of writing this is to say that:
you are not alone! it is okay to be sad and miss things from before (it's actually incredible to have something so sweet in life that makes it hard to say goodbye.) it's okay to be nervous about settling into a new place with new people. but with time, you will see the fruit that comes in new seasons.
Those are the biggest things that I learned. People told me that at the beginning of the school year, and at first I just grazed over it thinking "okay but gosh can we fast forward to that part then?" but that is where time comes in -- where patience and endurance are cultivated. attributes that make "the next time moving, the next time you try something new, etc." so much easier. you live, you learn, you grow. you move on with more ease and experience. I move on now and look back in hindsight in complete wonder, marveling at how the lord worked through it all.
- prioritize your relationship with the Lord first. Talk to Him. Daily. tell him the good and the bad and the ugly. pray with faith and ask him to work in your life. surrender yourself to what he has in store, because I can promise you that it's always better.
- keep in touch with your people. have your inner circle of people who you can count on, whether that's your parents, your siblings, your best friends, your mentor -- people who have your back and will speak wisdom into your life, and be vulnerable with them. Keep in touch, ask them for prayer, tell them the good things that are happening, and confide in them with the really hard things. Cover yourself in prayer, starting with the prayer warriors in your life.
- push yourself to meet people! see what opportunities lie around your campus or town. if you click with someone, be intentional to get to know them! don't put it off, just go for it. look for churches. find people who can pour into you. get to know your roommates. college is all about putting yourself out there, and it can be scary but is so worth it. don't feel discouraged if it takes time to meet people that you really connect with!
I'm not sure who all is actually reading this, and if nothing else, man this was good for self-reflection for me to just get it all out there and write how I was feeling last year into concrete words haha.
But I hope that this is encouraging in some way! (:
to the one that has to feel like they need to measure up
to the one who may feel like she needs to conform to crowds to "gain friends" (that entire statement is flawed!)
to the girl that feels like her effort for community is hopeless
to the new girl in general.
This was me last year.
Last august, I moved to Lynchburg, Virginia as a transfer junior to Liberty University.
At the end of summer, I was so ready and excited to get out of Georgia and "start fresh," as they say. In my mind, I kind of anticipated everything magically falling into place.
Instant friends, instant fun, instant home.
Literally it was the first day in VA, and I was a hot mess.
I cried so much haha. I didn't really prepare for or even expect the hard things and sentences at the top of this post, that I experienced. It caught me off guard and I had to WORK through it during the school-year.
The fact of the matter is that moving can be HARD! I found that especially true as transfer off-campus student without the instant resources offered to freshmen who live on campus.
But guess what!
I am heading back in two weeks for my senior year at Liberty and am SO excited. I made it through and by the end of it, was absolutely LOVING it. But I do not want to minimize the difficulties that come with moving, and that is why I am writing this post, as self-reflection for what I learned, and maybe as help to anyone who is about to be in the same boat.
To start off, I want to recognize 2 main things.
1. First is that: emotions are powerful. they can control. some are REALLY really good ones. some are less so, and feel manipulative. some need to be harnessed and used for the goodness that they/re designed for! and some need to be identified and handled before they create pain.
2. Those negative emotions are completely valid and need to be felt. It's necessary for humans to experience that, rather than brushing them under the rug and pretending that they don't exist... this only leads to festering. Emotions are apart of life, and it is natural to feel things like sadness or pain.
>> Despite these things, i want to say that there is always hope. "cliche," you may say, but I promise you that the storm does not last. there is no chaos or pain or achey feelings that will not fade away with time and by the work of the holy spirit. there are seasons of refining, but the night always passes and the sun will always rise again in the morning.
I felt very stuck and lonely last year. To be completely honest, moving last year was one of the hardest transitions I've been through (next to going to and returning from south america on link year.)
One of the hardest parts was that I felt an unexplainable constant feeling of anxiety that was always attached to me. I've felt anxious before, but not really to this level. And gosh, I hated it so much.
I felt so weighed down by comparison and with an irrational fear that I was "never going to meet friends that I would click with" or that "I made an awful decision moving to VA." The strange thing is that I had the head-knowledge of "yes I know that this is the right decision, I felt the Lord lead me here so clearly, I know that this will pass," but it was so hard to transcend that knowledge from my head to heart, and to channel authentic joy from that.
There were SO MANY lies about myself that the devil was throwing my way, and because I was in such a vulnerable state, I believed them. That part honestly took the entirety of the first semester and a good chunk of the second to go back and strip myself of those lies I believed about myself and reclothe myself in the truth of who God has made me to be.
I best described what I was feeling to a friend as "an imaginary wall that separated me from myself, feeling completely weighed down and trapped in darkness, to how I was supposed to be living on the other side: walking in light and freedom."
It took a lot of prayer (between me and God, and from others praying over me), verbal reminders to myself, and verbal encouragement from OTHERS to move onward and adapt. But he was faithful. He didn't leave my side for a second. He remained exactly who he has already said he is. I felt anxious, but he never left me. He provided answers to my prayers in HIS timing. He taught things to me during that time. He rebuked the devil of the lies that he was trying to get me to believe, and instead, spoke words of life and truth to me.
At the time, I didn't know how to fully articulate how I was feeling, or pinpoint why I felt so unsettled all the time. I had a really hard time expressing it to people around me, even my close friends. But now, looking back, I am grateful for the growth I went through. I feel renewed and refined after last year. I feel soooo rejuvenated for what lies ahead of me. I look ahead towards the things and journeys that I am about to embark upon this year, and I really wouldn't be ready for them if I hadn't gone through the sharpening transitional season of last year.
That is my experience of moving last year. It wasn't pretty. I cried alot to jenna and my family on the phone haha. I think I used to view crying and sadness and feeling down as a weakness. Something I wanted to be "stronger than" and rise above, and not waste my time on. Instead, I wanted the "tough it up" mindset of "I've got this, I'm good to keep going," and I didn't have time to be weighed down by difficult or sad things. But wow, this last year, God has gently taught me that this is not the case.
Humans are weak.
We aren't designed to carry everything on our own.
Hard things happen.
And his arms are always wide open.
Some people are gonna adjust quicker than others. I think a lot of my adjustment took so long and was so difficult because I was still transitioning back to life in the states and processing the last year after having been overseas for so long. but, the main point of writing this is to say that:
you are not alone! it is okay to be sad and miss things from before (it's actually incredible to have something so sweet in life that makes it hard to say goodbye.) it's okay to be nervous about settling into a new place with new people. but with time, you will see the fruit that comes in new seasons.
Those are the biggest things that I learned. People told me that at the beginning of the school year, and at first I just grazed over it thinking "okay but gosh can we fast forward to that part then?" but that is where time comes in -- where patience and endurance are cultivated. attributes that make "the next time moving, the next time you try something new, etc." so much easier. you live, you learn, you grow. you move on with more ease and experience. I move on now and look back in hindsight in complete wonder, marveling at how the lord worked through it all.
If you are getting ready to move, I encourage you to:
- prioritize your relationship with the Lord first. Talk to Him. Daily. tell him the good and the bad and the ugly. pray with faith and ask him to work in your life. surrender yourself to what he has in store, because I can promise you that it's always better.
- keep in touch with your people. have your inner circle of people who you can count on, whether that's your parents, your siblings, your best friends, your mentor -- people who have your back and will speak wisdom into your life, and be vulnerable with them. Keep in touch, ask them for prayer, tell them the good things that are happening, and confide in them with the really hard things. Cover yourself in prayer, starting with the prayer warriors in your life.
- push yourself to meet people! see what opportunities lie around your campus or town. if you click with someone, be intentional to get to know them! don't put it off, just go for it. look for churches. find people who can pour into you. get to know your roommates. college is all about putting yourself out there, and it can be scary but is so worth it. don't feel discouraged if it takes time to meet people that you really connect with!
I'm not sure who all is actually reading this, and if nothing else, man this was good for self-reflection for me to just get it all out there and write how I was feeling last year into concrete words haha.
But I hope that this is encouraging in some way! (:
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