the not so pretty but also really beautiful life lessons
hola from armenia!
Wow, time is flying. We only have 10 days left in Armenia, and have been here for nearly 3 weeks now, what?! It seriously feels like just yesterday we were in Bogota, and like the day before that I was still in the U.S. Dang.
This post is a little more delayed that intended, but mostly because it's taken some time to collect my thoughts. I want to be very real and honest in this trip, and not just highlight the good things, but share the hard things and ways God is growing me-- this trip definitely is an opportunity of a lifetime but it's so easy to be deceiving through social media and lead observers to think everything is perfect, happy, and glamorous. But man. It's also super hard.
So here we are! An attempt at being honest and sharing the hard things, as well as the beautiful ways that God is providing.
(This post is just for reflection purposes -- I have another one coming with actual updates on day-to-day life & highlights of what we've been up to!)
///
We are living at an Alliance Seminary school called A.B. Simpson. It is a 2 year academic program that trains aspiring missionaries and pastors, who primarily want to serve in the Middle East region (also extending into parts of Africa and Asia). The school started 2 years ago, so they are in their first round of students. They are 17 students who live here and 11 of them will be graduating in the first graduating class next weekend! (We leave the day before their graduation tho :( tears.)
Leaving Bogota, I was really excited to come to the new location and get started. However, the first several days in Armenia were the hardest for me yet on the trip. We arrived to Armenia on a thursday, and I felt super energetic and optimistic the day we arrived. The next day, though, I felt some delayed sadness about Bogota. I realized how special those people had become to me, and I didn't realize how painful it would be to leave them behind. It felt sudden and Armenia felt foreign to me. On top of that, I got sick over the weekend -- still not entirely sure what the cause of that was. It was a lot of stomach pain and I didn't eat most meals for a good 2-3 days.
Being sick from home is one of my least favorite things. Mostly because when you're sick, you can't do anything, but sit in bed. And when that happens, you just start thinking. And when you're a whole continent away from home, your mind can wander to startling places. It made me homesick; longing for my people at home and making me feel lonely.
I'm gonna be real : those days were really hard. But I also learned a lot about myself + God through it all...
I didn't feel joyful or feel as excited about Armenia as I did before. I just felt homesick and missed serving in Bogota. My thoughts escalated in fear to all kinds of areas concerning the trip -- things like: that I would feel like this during every transition, that I wouldn't live fully and freely, that I would be sad too much during this trip, that I wasn't strong enough to handle this whole thing. I cried a lot and it was hard to grasp the truth amidst that. I knew the right things to think -- "I just need to be more joyful." "Pray about it" "Read scripture to help." I was thinking all the right things, but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel excited or full of peace and excitement. I felt mundane. The scary thing was that the more I thought these things, the sicker I physically felt. It's hard to describe but I think it was the most physical encounter I think I've ever had with spiritual warfare. I could feel myself feeling physically and mentally miserable, but also feeling strength in spiritual thought.
I found peace through a lot of different things though.
Prayer journaling all my thoughts out. The pretty, the ugly, the struggling parts. All of it.
Ben stuart sermons (ugh i just love him. If you haven't listened to him, search him on your podcast app and have your life be changed. so good) and just sitting alone with God and meditating on what He has done in my life already-- He has brought me this far and He will see me through, God has called me to this place for a purpose, and it's not to sit in fear, and it's not to wish that I was back home, when I am called to be present HERE."
A biiiiiig thing was encouragement from close friends from home. God used something super special to me -- relationships -- to encourage me and speak truth to me, and make me feel connected to them from so far away. My mom and sisters were a big part of that, just encouraging me and praying for me. Biggest supporters <3
Also, a couple of friends out of the blue texted me about things they were struggling with that, although were in different context/situations, were SO similar to mine. With things like loneliness, trusting in God's purpose, and even with physical spiritual warfare. It was so cool!! It just showed me how powerful community in Christ is, and how unity is so important. That was one of the biggest encouragements during those few days.
After about 3 days of continuous feeling of sickness, I sat down and prayed out my frustrations. I was so done. I wanted Satan and all the lies he was dumping on me GONE. So, I asked that God would take away all the physical pain I felt and strengthen and energize me physically and spiritually, so that I could fully embrace what he had for me in Armenia. I asked that I would feel his presence more tangibly and that I would feel more connected to him than I was feeling so far.
The next morning, all the pain was gone. I didn't feel as anxious, I didn't feel stomach pain; I finally felt well-rested. It was such a powerful lesson in seeing how the Lord answers prayers, and feeling his presence when you ask for it.
So, I felt healthier and more energized. But honestly, I still struggled to feel joyful. I still missed home a lot and didn't feel very connected to the people at this site yet, especially since I felt sick for a lot of the first few days. Normally, I would've thought myself to just be excited to start meeting people and starting conversation. But hah, spanish...... I found myself losing motivation and determination to practice and put myself out there with talking to people. I just didn't have much desire and I hated that!! I wanted to, but I also just "didn't feel like it."
I prayer journaled again, asking God to give me genuine desire to live with more joy and push myself to build relationships, despite language barriers. I wanted to just feel God very present in me throughout the day, so I asked him to just do something that day to "wow" me. I didn't know what it was gonna be, but some kind of sign to show me he was working in and using me, in a way that would feel joy-filling & life-giving.
So that night, I was hanging out in a group of people, and a couple of them had enos set up. One of the students, Cesar, who is super friendly, was swinging in his & studying. I asked if I could swing as well, and we both sat, attempting to speak as much as we could in each other's languages -- he knew verrrrry little english, but was also very excited to learn new words and practice speaking to a gringa haha. His energy made me excited to practice more spanish too!
So, I still am not sure how I was able to understand all of this, which is more proof that it was only through the Holy Spirit alone HAH but, I asked him his story about how he wanted to be a missionary and what his plans were after seminary. We talked for 30-40 minutes (!!!!!) and I somehow understood nearly all of what he said!! Seriously, I don't know HOW, but I did!!!
^
// he became a Christian attending church in his community with his brother, and then felt missions on his heart. So he moved to Armenia, several hours from his home, to study at seminary. After he graduates in December, he wants to work in Armenia to earn money, and then move to Peru and study languages for a year. He hopes to be able to have the skill of translating bibles (I think into indigenous languages), and then pray about what country God calls him to serve. SO COOL. He kept pausing to ask "do you understand so far?" and I just kept saying "YES idk how but keep going!" The next morning I could hardly ask what was for breakfast without struggling, but SOMEhow I understood most of that conversation and it just made me so freaking excited. Try and tell me God doesn't still do miracles. So cool ah.
Since then, that gave me a renewed appreciation for the ministry opportunities we had at the school. It's very different from Bogota, in the sense of how we are serving -- Bogota was much more hands-on involvement, primarily with kids, as well as with odd jobs like kitchen duties, activities, sports, etc.
Here, our role has been much more vague-- we are especially here to interact with the students and give them practice with cross-cultural interaction. It's been a much more "restful" time, which frustrated me at first because I wanted to be more busy. But it was like God's way of telling me to stop and slow down. And just see what He has for me. Quit rushing. Just soak in who He is.
I've quickly found my favorite part of being here is hearing each of the students' stories. For example, every time we go into town, we have an escort. Almost every time, we've had different people accompany us as escorts, giving us the quality time and opportunity to ask them about their testimony and how God is working in their lives. It opens the doors to such sweet conversations and AMAZING stories of how He has redeemed and used broken pasts for his glory. It's so inspiring to be immersed in a body of students who are preparing to head into dangerous mission fields -- places where you can easily lose your life for being a Christian.
I asked one or two of them if they were nervous for heading into a persecuted country, knowing that I WOULD BE if I were them. But they just looked at me, almost confused, and said "No? Why? I am ready because God is calling me to this." Wow. Big-time conviction received. It's amazing and humbling.
This location has definitely not been the easiest. Honestly, I wasn't a fan at all those first few days haha. It's included unforeseen challenges of it's own, but has also revealed subtle beauty to me of just being still; learning to listen to what God has in store.
More to come. As always, I thank you all for your prayers thus far!! Truly mean that. <3
xoxo
-allison
Wow, time is flying. We only have 10 days left in Armenia, and have been here for nearly 3 weeks now, what?! It seriously feels like just yesterday we were in Bogota, and like the day before that I was still in the U.S. Dang.
This post is a little more delayed that intended, but mostly because it's taken some time to collect my thoughts. I want to be very real and honest in this trip, and not just highlight the good things, but share the hard things and ways God is growing me-- this trip definitely is an opportunity of a lifetime but it's so easy to be deceiving through social media and lead observers to think everything is perfect, happy, and glamorous. But man. It's also super hard.
So here we are! An attempt at being honest and sharing the hard things, as well as the beautiful ways that God is providing.
(This post is just for reflection purposes -- I have another one coming with actual updates on day-to-day life & highlights of what we've been up to!)
///
We are living at an Alliance Seminary school called A.B. Simpson. It is a 2 year academic program that trains aspiring missionaries and pastors, who primarily want to serve in the Middle East region (also extending into parts of Africa and Asia). The school started 2 years ago, so they are in their first round of students. They are 17 students who live here and 11 of them will be graduating in the first graduating class next weekend! (We leave the day before their graduation tho :( tears.)
Leaving Bogota, I was really excited to come to the new location and get started. However, the first several days in Armenia were the hardest for me yet on the trip. We arrived to Armenia on a thursday, and I felt super energetic and optimistic the day we arrived. The next day, though, I felt some delayed sadness about Bogota. I realized how special those people had become to me, and I didn't realize how painful it would be to leave them behind. It felt sudden and Armenia felt foreign to me. On top of that, I got sick over the weekend -- still not entirely sure what the cause of that was. It was a lot of stomach pain and I didn't eat most meals for a good 2-3 days.
Being sick from home is one of my least favorite things. Mostly because when you're sick, you can't do anything, but sit in bed. And when that happens, you just start thinking. And when you're a whole continent away from home, your mind can wander to startling places. It made me homesick; longing for my people at home and making me feel lonely.
I'm gonna be real : those days were really hard. But I also learned a lot about myself + God through it all...
I didn't feel joyful or feel as excited about Armenia as I did before. I just felt homesick and missed serving in Bogota. My thoughts escalated in fear to all kinds of areas concerning the trip -- things like: that I would feel like this during every transition, that I wouldn't live fully and freely, that I would be sad too much during this trip, that I wasn't strong enough to handle this whole thing. I cried a lot and it was hard to grasp the truth amidst that. I knew the right things to think -- "I just need to be more joyful." "Pray about it" "Read scripture to help." I was thinking all the right things, but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel excited or full of peace and excitement. I felt mundane. The scary thing was that the more I thought these things, the sicker I physically felt. It's hard to describe but I think it was the most physical encounter I think I've ever had with spiritual warfare. I could feel myself feeling physically and mentally miserable, but also feeling strength in spiritual thought.
I found peace through a lot of different things though.
Prayer journaling all my thoughts out. The pretty, the ugly, the struggling parts. All of it.
Ben stuart sermons (ugh i just love him. If you haven't listened to him, search him on your podcast app and have your life be changed. so good) and just sitting alone with God and meditating on what He has done in my life already-- He has brought me this far and He will see me through, God has called me to this place for a purpose, and it's not to sit in fear, and it's not to wish that I was back home, when I am called to be present HERE."
A biiiiiig thing was encouragement from close friends from home. God used something super special to me -- relationships -- to encourage me and speak truth to me, and make me feel connected to them from so far away. My mom and sisters were a big part of that, just encouraging me and praying for me. Biggest supporters <3
Also, a couple of friends out of the blue texted me about things they were struggling with that, although were in different context/situations, were SO similar to mine. With things like loneliness, trusting in God's purpose, and even with physical spiritual warfare. It was so cool!! It just showed me how powerful community in Christ is, and how unity is so important. That was one of the biggest encouragements during those few days.
After about 3 days of continuous feeling of sickness, I sat down and prayed out my frustrations. I was so done. I wanted Satan and all the lies he was dumping on me GONE. So, I asked that God would take away all the physical pain I felt and strengthen and energize me physically and spiritually, so that I could fully embrace what he had for me in Armenia. I asked that I would feel his presence more tangibly and that I would feel more connected to him than I was feeling so far.
The next morning, all the pain was gone. I didn't feel as anxious, I didn't feel stomach pain; I finally felt well-rested. It was such a powerful lesson in seeing how the Lord answers prayers, and feeling his presence when you ask for it.
So, I felt healthier and more energized. But honestly, I still struggled to feel joyful. I still missed home a lot and didn't feel very connected to the people at this site yet, especially since I felt sick for a lot of the first few days. Normally, I would've thought myself to just be excited to start meeting people and starting conversation. But hah, spanish...... I found myself losing motivation and determination to practice and put myself out there with talking to people. I just didn't have much desire and I hated that!! I wanted to, but I also just "didn't feel like it."
I prayer journaled again, asking God to give me genuine desire to live with more joy and push myself to build relationships, despite language barriers. I wanted to just feel God very present in me throughout the day, so I asked him to just do something that day to "wow" me. I didn't know what it was gonna be, but some kind of sign to show me he was working in and using me, in a way that would feel joy-filling & life-giving.
So that night, I was hanging out in a group of people, and a couple of them had enos set up. One of the students, Cesar, who is super friendly, was swinging in his & studying. I asked if I could swing as well, and we both sat, attempting to speak as much as we could in each other's languages -- he knew verrrrry little english, but was also very excited to learn new words and practice speaking to a gringa haha. His energy made me excited to practice more spanish too!
So, I still am not sure how I was able to understand all of this, which is more proof that it was only through the Holy Spirit alone HAH but, I asked him his story about how he wanted to be a missionary and what his plans were after seminary. We talked for 30-40 minutes (!!!!!) and I somehow understood nearly all of what he said!! Seriously, I don't know HOW, but I did!!!
^
// he became a Christian attending church in his community with his brother, and then felt missions on his heart. So he moved to Armenia, several hours from his home, to study at seminary. After he graduates in December, he wants to work in Armenia to earn money, and then move to Peru and study languages for a year. He hopes to be able to have the skill of translating bibles (I think into indigenous languages), and then pray about what country God calls him to serve. SO COOL. He kept pausing to ask "do you understand so far?" and I just kept saying "YES idk how but keep going!" The next morning I could hardly ask what was for breakfast without struggling, but SOMEhow I understood most of that conversation and it just made me so freaking excited. Try and tell me God doesn't still do miracles. So cool ah.
Here, our role has been much more vague-- we are especially here to interact with the students and give them practice with cross-cultural interaction. It's been a much more "restful" time, which frustrated me at first because I wanted to be more busy. But it was like God's way of telling me to stop and slow down. And just see what He has for me. Quit rushing. Just soak in who He is.
I've quickly found my favorite part of being here is hearing each of the students' stories. For example, every time we go into town, we have an escort. Almost every time, we've had different people accompany us as escorts, giving us the quality time and opportunity to ask them about their testimony and how God is working in their lives. It opens the doors to such sweet conversations and AMAZING stories of how He has redeemed and used broken pasts for his glory. It's so inspiring to be immersed in a body of students who are preparing to head into dangerous mission fields -- places where you can easily lose your life for being a Christian.
I asked one or two of them if they were nervous for heading into a persecuted country, knowing that I WOULD BE if I were them. But they just looked at me, almost confused, and said "No? Why? I am ready because God is calling me to this." Wow. Big-time conviction received. It's amazing and humbling.
This location has definitely not been the easiest. Honestly, I wasn't a fan at all those first few days haha. It's included unforeseen challenges of it's own, but has also revealed subtle beauty to me of just being still; learning to listen to what God has in store.
More to come. As always, I thank you all for your prayers thus far!! Truly mean that. <3
xoxo
-allison
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